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Letter to a Distraught Wife

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

            I am sorry to hear that you are getting divorced. However, it does happen, and the Torah permits it. The Torah even encourages, in rare cases, people to divorce. I am afraid, after reading your letter, that you are not getting divorced. I mean, that there are people who don't let go. Divorce is finish. Finishing a divorce is a hard job, and some people can't do it. They carry on their relationship with their ex and ruin their future happiness. The divorce ceremony is only the beginning of the divorce. It takes a long time to finish with the old pain.

            I once discussed the matter with the senior rabbi in the world, and presented my feeling for his approbation, that a woman whose husband was evil should leave him to G-d to punish, and the ex-wife should not give up her life for "justice." He agreed.  A woman who has a lot of unfinished business with her husband and his bad deeds should finish with them, before they finish her.

            We divorce not to finish with a husband, because a husband, as sad an excuse for one as he may be, can remain a husband, if the couple decides that. We divorce to finish with hate. Therefore, how foolish it is to divorce a husband and keep the hate, and not have the husband. Go further, find a new life, and look for the right man. How can you open your heart to happiness when it is seething with resentment?

            Get professional help for the hate. Get encouragement from people who want you to begin to find bliss. It is the most wonderful thing that you missed in your past wreckage of a marriage. Be careful that you associate with people who want the good things, the positive ones, and not the people who live to punish. As you go along in life and meet other women, some married and some divorced, what you say and what you hear are critical. If you listen to people who encourage negative things, you may lose sight of your true goals. If you tell people how to hate, you may destroy a family. Be careful.

Actually, the family you destroy may be a wonderful one, with a loving husband, delicious children, a smiling community, and maybe even a nice house. Guess who might be living there, if you just break loose from the mistake you made last time? You. Yes, the family you may destroy by prowling for the punish is the family you could have; believe in yourself that you can find it. Somewhere out there is a fine man, perhaps also a victim of a mistake. He is looking for a smile. Give it to him.

 

Shalom,

 

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