| A Letter to an Angry Woman | |
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Dear
Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear that you are getting divorced. However, it does
happen, and the Torah permits it. The Torah even encourages, in rare cases,
people to divorce. I am afraid, after reading your letter, that you are not
getting divorced. I mean, that there are people who don't let go. Divorce is
finish. Finishing a divorce is a hard job, and some people can't do it. They
carry on their relationship with their ex and ruin their future happiness.
The divorce ceremony is only the beginning of the divorce. It takes a long
time to finish with the old pain.
I once discussed the matter with the senior rabbi in the world, and
presented my feeling for his approbation, that a woman whose husband was
evil should leave him to G-d to punish, and the ex-wife should not give up
her life for "justice." He agreed.
A woman who has a lot of unfinished business with her husband and his
bad deeds should finish with them, before they finish her.
We divorce not to finish with a husband, because a husband, as sad an
excuse for one as he may be, can remain a husband, if the couple decides
that. We divorce to finish with hate. Therefore, how foolish it is to
divorce a husband and keep the hate, and not have the husband. Go further,
find a new life, and look for the right man. How can you open your heart to
happiness when it is seething with resentment?
Get professional help for the hate. Get encouragement from people who
want you to begin to find bliss. It is the most wonderful thing that you
missed in your past wreckage of a marriage. Be careful that you associate
with people who want the good things, the positive ones, and not the people
who live to punish. As you go along in life and meet other women, some
married and some divorced, what you say and what you hear are critical. If
you listen to people who encourage negative things, you may lose sight of
your true goals. If you tell people how to hate, you may destroy a family.
Be careful. Actually,
the family you destroy may be a wonderful one, with a loving husband,
delicious children, a smiling community, and maybe even a nice house. Guess
who might be living there, if you just break loose from the mistake you made
last time? You. Yes, the family you may destroy by prowling for the punish
is the family you could have; believe in yourself that you can find it.
Somewhere out there is a fine man, perhaps also a victim of a mistake. He is
looking for a smile. Give it to him. Shalom,
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D. Eidensohn's poem
"The Wall" won an International Poetry Contest. His poems appear in
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