How to Prevent Homosexuality in Children

 

By Rabbi David Eidensohn

 

Homosexuality is a problem even for Orthodox Jews. The problem is such that there are even open organizations of homosexual Jews, even religious ones. In this interview with Rabbi Sam Rosenberg, the therapist for JONAH, the organization to help Jewish homosexuals, I asked him to tell us specifically those things that cause, heaven forfend, children to become homosexuals. Rabbi Rosenberg is one of the few experts on this subject, and has had experience with Orthodox and Jewish homosexuals in Israel and America. He is also a Rov in a shull and reflects Torah values in his therapy. Call Rabbi Rosenberg at 1-908-351-5409.

 

Q. Rabbi Rosenberg, what can a parent do to make sure that their child does not become a homosexual?

 

A. A father should be close to his son. A daughter should be close to her mother. Parents must show respect for each other, so that a child can know that a man and a woman are respected. If a father does not respect a wife, or if a wife does not respect a husband, the child is hurt by this, and can become a homosexual. A girl who sees that her father is bad to her mother does not want men. Therefore, parents must always show respect for each other in front of their children, at least, so that the child can be secure in being a man and in desiring a woman, and a girl can be secure in being a woman and desiring a man. If the main man or woman, a parent, is not up to par, is not respected, this can damage the self-respect of the child of that gender. Thus, a boy who feels that his father is not a real man, is not respected, can suffer and feel that he is something lowly, or that he needs another man; he may crave a homosexual relationship to make up for his shlepper father. A boy who sees that his mother is not respected may refuse to want a relationship with a woman.

 

Q. Is there a difference between boys and girls?

 

A. Yes. A girl needs emotional support, and if she feels that she cannot obtain it, because of the problems with her parents, she may turn to a lesbian relationships to get her emotional needs. A boy, on the other hand, is motivated to homosexuality not for emotional support, but for biological needs, although, as mentioned, the inner mechanism of homosexuality begins with psychology in boys and girls.

 

Q. What parental failure, what action, triggers homosexuality in children?

 

A. Any girl who is abused, by mother or father, can become a lesbian. A girl who suffers even emotional abuse can become a lesbian. A child with a distant father can become homosexual.

 

Q. What can a teacher in a school look out for?

 

A. A child who is frail, who is unable to be like other boys in sports, or one who is teased about his frailty or disabilities, can become homosexual. Such children need a great amount of emotional support. A boy who feels the need for strength may turn to a macho man in a homosexual relationship to obtain "strength" and manliness through "osmosis." However, any person who feels weak can be suspect. Anyone who needs help, who feels like a nebach, can become homosexual, chass visholom.

 

Q. Does this mean a child who isn't smart?

 

A. No, the issue is not intellectual abilities. The important thing is not whether the child does well in school, but rather if the child feels like a failure. A child who is not a good student but who feels loved and important, the apple of his parents' eye, is safe. However, a student who does not feel this way, and who accepts any failure as proof of his worthlessness, is in danger.

 

Q. How would you phrase this as a general rule?

 

A. I would say that any social or personal failure is suspect, but that an intellectual failing that does not produce a social or personal failing is not a problem in this regard.

 

Q. Are you saying that if a father or mother really treat their son or daughter well they are safe?

 

A. No. If the father treats his son well, but the mother treats the father with contempt, the boy will see that his father is not a man, and may become homosexual. Both parents must love the child and respect each other. A boy must see that his father is a man, and even a false impression can create problems.

 

Q. Rabbi Rosenberg, how can parents respect each other and be full of love and encouragement for their children with all of the financial problems, the two-parents working, the credit cards, the enormous costs of raising a large household and paying for parochial schools?

 

A. This is a serious problem, and we don't have a solution for it at present. One thing that will not help in this regard is lofty preaching and words. What we need are not great Jews and their ideas, because these people shrug off. We need ordinary people, we need there to be role models that people relate to and say, if they live this way, so can I. Unless people see role models who live modestly, and in a manner commensurate with financial survival, the Shabbos derosho of the Rov will not penetrate properly. The expenses that tax us hurt us not only in the pocketbook, but rob us of the ability to raise our family as we wish. These are critical issues, but we have no solution ready at hand for them.

 

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