Anyone who reads this article without groaning at the suffering of the Orthodox homosexual has no heart and no soul. We acknowledge that anyone who has the courage to try to resolve the problems of the Orthodox homosexual deserves much praise. On the other hand, we feel that not only is it intellectually wrong to allow homosexual activities at any level for Orthodox homosexuals, but all energies put into this direction detract from the main show, therapy. 

     And those who cannot change, let them do what they do without committing additional sins such as throwing out dirabonins completely as if they were expendable, and accepting other kuluse that have no intellectual foundation. If you have to be homosexual, so be it. But don't "solve" your problems by profaning the sanctity of the Written and Oral Law, the Shulchan Aruch and the Poskim.

    The Aguno issue could have been solved if the activists wanted to work with and not against the rabbis. Agunah activists made a lot of noise and hate, but what have they accomplished when they turn married women "free" without a proper GET? They have produced mamzerim. Let us not make the same mistake with homosexuals. We must work together, the rabbis and the homosexuals, to provide chizuk and to find therapeutic solutions, and if that isn't feasible, to let HaShem reveal to us what we can do under the authority of the Torah, as Torah Jews, and not as radicals and rabble-rousers.

     May HaShem have pity on those searching Jews who have yet to find the answers. A Jew never says there is no hope.

   

The Orthodox Homosexual

 

            A person who is deeply religious and homosexual has an enormous problem. To become gay and violate the biblical injunction against homosexuality is unacceptable, and to refrain from sex is incredibly hard. Therefore, some Orthodox religious homosexuals choose to give up their religion, and become gay. Others seek therapy, which works for some people. Some will do nothing but suffer. A new movement, however, wants Orthodox homosexuals to do everything with a homosexual partner except anal intercourse. This is shocking, and we disagree with this, for reasons written here. But we must admit that this is actually a very brave and hard decision. Such a person, living with another homosexual, is in no-man's land. He is cut off from the mores of the Orthodox community, and the gays are angry with him for not going all the way. The gays, by the way, want nothing to do with people who believe in Leviticus 18:22, that anal intercourse is an abomination. Furthermore, as two Orthodox gays do things immoral by Torah standards, the guilt cannot be washed away. They cannot be truly happy. The legal fiction they invent cannot really penetrate their hearts. There is thus no good solution for such a person. The only hope is that we invest great energies and mesiras nefesh in improving therapy to the point where it works for everyone. Indeed, the more time we waste looking for false solutions, we loose precious time and energies that could help us find a good solution.

            The homosexual rabbi claims to be ONESS: ONESS  means that one cannot help himself. One who profanes the Sabbath because of a medical emergency is ONESS; he did not willingly sin, but was forced to do so. Does ONESS apply to the Orthodox homosexual? Does a person who cannot help himself have the status of ONESS, and if so, what is permitted to such a person? Does the Torah forgive its laws about sexuality, its demands that sex be limited to married people, because of someone who needs forbidden sex?

            The gemora in Sanhedrin 75a discusses the case of a man who fell madly in love with a woman. Doctors say that he will die if he does not have her. The woman is willing to give him whatever sexual pleasures the rabbis advise is appropriate to save a life. The Torah, of course, assigns primary importance to the saving of a life. "One who saves a life is as if he saved the entire world," and "saving a life precedes the Sabbath." On the other hand, cardinal sins, such as murder, paganism and adultery/incest, are never permitted, even to save a life. The Talmud concludes that such a woman, even if she is unmarried, may not even talk to the man behind a wall to save his life, and he will die.

            The gemora rules that we may not break down social sexual standards even to save a life.

            This is exactly what the Orthodox homosexual is doing. He will "die" if he can't have his sexual needs. He comes to the rabbis and asks that they permit him to have a male partner, and together, they will hug, kiss, masturbate, have oral sex, and do everything except anal sex. May the rabbis permit such a thing? They may not. This is clearly the situation of the gemora. The rabbis do not tell someone to do something if by so doing they open the door to forbidden sexual practices and lower the social standards regarding holiness. Such a ruling, from a rabbi, based on the Torah, would invite people to destroy the Torah and its standards.

            (However, someone could disagree, and say that the gemora is not appropriate in this case. The gemora talks about a woman who is not sick. She is not required to save another person. If however the woman herself needed the man, and the man needed the woman, what would the rabbis do? What they let both parties die? Or would they refuse to permit "funny" sexual deeds because to do so would destroy the sexual standards of the community? We see clearly from the gemora that community standards are very important. If the man himself wants just to talk to the lady with a fence between them, Rambam says we tell him to die and not speak to her, even if she is unmarried and willing to talk to him. We see clearly that human life does not override the proper social sexual standards of Israel.)

            Let us transpose the homosexuals into heterosexuals, and let us phrase it this way: A man and woman want each other, but they are forbidden, because she is married. They become sick and realize that if they don't sin they will die. What should they do? First, let us see what they want to do. Do they want to live, as the homosexual rabbi suggests, doing everything, oral sex, kissing, etc. and refraining from intercourse? Can we permit that? We cannot, for two reasons. One,  if two people madly in love with each other do everything to arouse their passions, surely they will eventually have intercourse. People are not angels, and they cannot always restrain their passions. Secondly, we cannot permit them to be together and do whatever they want because the Torah community simply cannot permit a man to spend the night with a married woman even when they do nothing wrong, and surely when they do everything wrong except one thing. A community where this went on could not have kedusho (sanctity).

            Therefore, the program of a rabbi teaching homosexuals to sleep together and masturbate, have oral sex and kiss and who knows what else, as long as they have no anal intercourse, is not correct. Even if people die, one may not proclaim such a program. Such a program shatters the walls of kedusho.

            In general, when dealing with cardinal sins such as homosexuality, the basic act of intercourse is surely forbidden, but the authorities rishonim argue if the kissing and hugging out of lust is a Torah sin or a rabbinical sin. The Shach, who is the main authority, rules according the opinion that it is forbidden by the Torah. The Ramo says that a cardinal sin is not just the basic sin, such as intercourse, but those things forbidden by the Torah, such as a LAV, a negative sin. If so, we would probably conclude that one must die rather than kiss in a homosexual embrace.

            Even if one disagreed with this, and would say that kissing and hugging are not per se lavin, Torah prohibitions, they are nonetheless things that "bring to sin" and are forbidden because of that. Even if one disagreed with that, they would be forbidden because they destroy the standards of holiness for the community.

For instance, if someone is told to kiss a lady in the middle of Fifth Avenue or be killed, and afterwards they will be separated and never see each other, this is a cardinal sin, despite the fact that they will never come to sin with intercourse. If, however, the act is not a sin at all on its own, but is something that can bring to the sin, it is abizrayhu, an accoutrement, a connection to that cardinal sin, then no matter what its status, even something like talking separated by a wall is forbidden, and one must die rather than do it.

This paper is the first of our efforts to clarify these laws. We cannot easily talk about life and death matters. We only want to make it very clear that the efforts to help the Orthodox homosexual must be in improved therapy, because in halacha, in Jewish law, there is no hope. If cries about suicide open all of the doors, we must refrain from crying about suicide. A society where all of the doors are open is a destroyed society. Nothing said here is to tell anyone an actual ruling whether to live of die: such things are beyond the scope of a website, obviously. We only wish to dampen the enthusiasm of those who propose halacha solutions whereby homosexuals can be active homosexuals and Torah Jews. On the other hand, we congratulate the courageous people who struggle between two worlds, the gays and the Torah Jews, and suffer for their spiritual and physical survival. May HaShem help them to have happy lives.

We invite the homosexual rabbi or anyone in the Orthodox homosexual camp who disagrees with our opinion to write their opinion or to rebut what I wrote here. I will publish their letter, of course it will be written in good taste, because Torah Jews will write it, and then I will try to respond to their points. Nothing here should in any way imply that struggling Torah Jews, regardless of their problems, are not beloved in the eyes of HaShem. There is no holier thing than a broken heart. They did not seek this problem. HaShem gave them a terrible test. Some will go to organizations like Jonah and get help. Conversion therapy has helped many people. But some may not escape with therapy. One day, we will improve the therapy so that more and more people are cured. Until then, we must cry with the helpless homosexual. It is our problem.  May HaShem enlighten us to know how to deal with it.